Lessons From the Road

Nearly 2500 miles in seven days was the count when the wife and I came rolling home last night.  A risky proposition, spending 40 hours in the car with a person you’ve spend a quarter century with (we feel a lot younger than that sounds), knowing you can’t afford a divorce.  But we survived, even prospered… and I learned.

Not about our marriage, I’m at a loss as to why the wife tolerates me, but I learned about other drivers.  So with vacation season upon us, in the spirit of sharing, let me give you the skinny.

What you hope to see isn’t what you’ll get.  Windshield scenery fell short of anticipation heading through the southeastern United States. We hoped to see tall forests, swamps, hills and lots variety.  We spent 40 hours in a hedge maze; sometimes a dry maze, sometimes a rainy maze, but a maze; a dark gray trail between two walls of vegetation.

Speed limits are an average.  Like a hand in boiling water and the other in ice, nobody drives the actual number.  If there’re two lanes going one direction the right lane will be the 5-15 under lane with the left flowing 5-15 over.  If you’re interested in getting there in a timely fashion, but not a ticket there’re going to be some lane changes.  If there’s only one lane each direction you can count on the under in front and the over behind…very closely behind…like a creepy dude grinding you in a Disney Park line.

It’s wrong to anger another person…but it’s fun.  Generally considering anyone driving a shoddier car than myself to be bad at making decisions…or, like me, a teacher…I passed a family who hadn’t made a decent choice in years.  The driver, a big dude (dad?), yelled emphatically at a passenger, a smaller lady (mom?), as though she’d stolen his Funyuns.  Her response, exhaustion and minimal concern, hinted at experience.  I glanced undetected as I passed and watched in the rearview pulling away.  A few miles down the road, exiting the interstate to find a restaurant, I drove several miles through some seedy parts of Winter Park, FL.  Signaling to turn at the appropriate light in what I hoped was an improving neighborhood, oncoming traffic was heavy so I sat and waited.

In the rear view I noticed the decision makers approaching, neither signaling to turn nor changing lanes.  They slammed to a stop and sat behind me for a minute or so, still discussing the Funyuns, took an opening and squealed around (this might’ve been aggression, or it might’ve been an old fan belt).  Just past the intersection the younger male (son) in the rear driver’s side seat used a single finger to wave goodbye out the window.  It was the highlight of the evening to that point.

Even with excessive windshield time I had a great week, celebrating a silver anniversary, sweating out Disney and surviving the French Quarter.  I was blessed to recall why I’d asked for my wife’s hand those many years ago, got to see her wrestle a gator…and learned a few lessons from the road.