Life in the Middle

Just Thought I’d Mention

C G Herndon

I prefer life in the middle.

I spent last week on the way to, in, and on the way home from Washington DC.  I had a workshop scheduled there so we decided to turn it into a family vacation.  It took a couple of days to drive out, stopping at Thomas Jefferson’s home Monticello and then spending an afternoon in Herndon, VA (founded by an ancestor of mine…supposedly).   And after over forty hours of car time I’m proud to report the family is still on speaking terms.

There’s a lot to see in our nation’s capitol.  I only spent a day and a half touring but the rest of the family spent several additional days at the museums, memorials and attractions.  Even with most of a week to take it all in, my wife said she’d like to go back to see the rest.  I can’t say the same.

I’ll admit DC is amazing.  There’s so much science and history to be absorbed a person could spend weeks taking it all in.  If you’re not interested in science and history it’s worth a couple days just for people watching.  If Wal-Mart is a play ground for people-watchers, Washington DC is Disney Land.

The Capital is a tourist destination for folks from around the globe.  A plethora of languages can be heard walking down the street as well as quite a collection of clothes.  There wasn’t much off the table, from Islamic Burqas on Middle Eastern women to Daisy Dukes on European men.  

And then there’s quantity.  DC was thick with people.  Not just at the tourist attractions but everywhere.  The roads were filled with cars even during off hours.  My Drivers’ Tourette’s was in full bloom at 9 AM on a Sunday.  Driving DC in rush-hour traffic would have me hanging out the window with a bullhorn and handgun…or curled up in a fetal position, convulsing in the floorboard.

I experienced similar traffic several years ago on a trip to the other coast.  Los Angeles freeways were just as crowded, although Californians were more courteous than DC drivers.  Maybe it was because there are just ruder people in the Nation’s Capitol…or maybe it was because in LA I was driving an old Suburban, proudly displaying Texas tags (people are chivalrous if they think you might snap).

I love people watching but I hate crowds.  And by the last day agoraphobia was starting to creep in.  I was ready to drive down a wide open highway without constant braking and shifting lanes, walk down a sidewalk without ducking and dodging cheesple (people that constipate the flow of crowds) and buy a meal without endangering my financial future (I’m assuming increased demand is the reason for the high price of food).

I understand millions and millions…and millions of people find life great on the coasts.  I’m just not one of them.  I prefer a little space between bumpers, a leisurely stroll and meals priced like supper is a daily event.  They can keep the left and right coasts, I prefer life in the middle.